I have a dream.....

Last night, 26 Feb 2006, I once again dreamt of him. I’ve always dreamt of him recently but in a not so good way. it's as though he's mad (well, kinda... but not like a raging bull) at me or something. but in my dream last night, he wasn't really mad (again, like a raging bull) but he was in his usual way in which he was. we had the same "cold" situation in which we currently do. he had this indifferent air of some sort of which presently is. in which, I hope you get the point. moving on....

it started of that way. I even remember as point where his best bud told me to give her a call at 8707-somethingsomething. can’t remember the entire number now. but anyway, i guess, that's irrelevant to the story. to our story.

i remember me being with his youngest sis when vanity just hit us and we just started playing around with her digicam... just as though we were that close (but the truth is we're just casual friends...something like that). anyway, we were fronting a mirror which is located beside a door to another room (kinda imagine the bellevue suite with a room adjacent to the living room/kitchen. imagine the mirror to the left of that door). the door was open and he was in that room with some other people. he was just sitted there, looking at us. after some shots (his sis and i were taking pictures of ourselves, remember), he motioned his sis to approach him. she did and left her cam with me. after a few moments, she made her way back and he stood following her. i hoped he would come and join us for some pictures those i highly doubted that somehow. that's why it was such a surprise that he sat next to me on the floor. he stayed on my right and his sis on my left. oh how cute! his other sis was on our farther right and we called out to her to join us. think she said she'd join in later. KJ. haha. so, we "moved on with our lives" and started to take some pics.

i'm shocked and touched at the fact that he had his arm on me... just like those days. at one point, we decided to use the camera's timer... and he even suggested like "3.1 seconds" and laughed. how lame of him. but still, i miss his "jokes", and no matter how lame, i love 'em. so there, we had the timer running and were waiting for it to go off so we could have our shot. it took quite some time and he said something like "ang tagal naman". and at that moment, since we were fronting the mirror, i saw him turn his head more towards my direction and he quickly gave me a smooch on my cheek. i felt so happy and relieved (and of course, giddy). so sad that it was only a dream.


at least i dreamt of him kissing me, somehow it made me remember that time (a little more than 3 years ago) that he implanted a kiss on my cheek for the very first time (and only time, if you're talking bout an actual lip-cheek contact). somehow, i needed to remember that feeling because as of now, i know that THAT IS a fact. he did kiss me. but i felt as though i wanted to question that now. it's been so long ago now. the feeling's something like "i know it but is it really". it's like saying "i exist... but how do i know that". it's like a fact that's taught to you by science / history where your mind knows it, your conscious of what has happened but that's all there is to it. it's only your mind that tells you that now and not your senses, not your very own self. and it's kinda hard knowing that sometimes the mind (and even the senses actually) can mislead you. but at least now, it feels as though i've relieved the experience again. it's really hard to explain it here. but i'm hoping you get the point.


and in case he sees this, I’m kinda hoping he knows it's him i'm talking about. just ask if it's so and I’d most readily admit my thoughts... all i can say for now is "I MISS HIM"

my concerns

well, whew! how tiring our sched was over the past few days. It all started last Saturday, I guess... because after such a week, we still had to go to school for the APSA ANP (assessment for nursing skills???) exam. That's gonna be one of our screening tests before we can get to move on into the capping ceremony. So, anyway, the exam was really tough considering that it was just supposed to be an IQ test (that is, it's supposed to be based on common sense knowledge)... well, okay, it wasn't really tough I guess. it was just hard (and challenging???) because we were given such a limited amount of time. What I remember was the first portion of the exam with some subtests (those I remember were: General Psychology, College Algebra, Physical Science, Life Science, Communication Skills... I'm not sure if I left out any more subtests). We were given 20 minutes to answer each subtest. That was quite OK for some parts (Physical and Life Science) since there probably were only about 30-45 items. But as for Gen. Psych and Comm. Skills, there were probably about 50-80 questions there. As for Algebra, sure, there was roughly only 30-45 questions there too BUT you really had to analyze ALL the problems and solve (come to think of it, we also had to solve some items in Physical Science).

so, anyway.....

after APSA, despite feeling like we were mentally drained, our class still had an exam in Physics to attend to. owwww. we couldn't think clearly at all. Each and everyone of us probably failed, a lot got lower than 10... and, not to brag(cos it's still really low),I was probably one of the high ones already with a score of 12! 12! over what, 20?! haaay.

The next day, I woke up dreading the day as it was my only "day off" (it'd be the same next weekend cos of some meeting I'm attending, so it's like I only get 1 weekend for 3 weeks!). ugh. Spent the day exercising myself to de-stress myself again.


To skip things, let's move on to Tuesday... RLE's Community Implementation Day. kakapagod! and as if that weren't enough, we still had a Physics lecture to attend that afternoon. haaay. I went home sick. literally.

Lastly, today, we've been bombarded with tests! PE exam, Consti, Phil Lit long test... haaay. Plus, still had to do my STS reaction paper due tomorrow. And to think next week's midterm exams. bleck. I gotta pass my IC requirements by then. oh, good luck. i don't even want to have to think of our Community Diagnosis and also, our Investigatory Project. aack.

The only thing I look forward to within next week: bonding with my friends after we get our midterm exams done! triple celebration:

1. 2 years worth of friendship
2. the end of midterms
3. Valentine's Day (of course!)

And where the heck do we plan to go? SHOOTING!!! yes, shooting on Valentines... how appropriate. And, I'm not talking bout paintball shooting, mind you... I'm talking real gunpwder shooting action, baby!