PHILOSOPHY vs. SCIENCE

All my life, I have constantly valued Science more than anything else. I had always refused to resort to childhood ways (fantasies, imaginations, etc.) which is why majority say that I never had a childhood... and I would be exceptionally proud of that, taking it as a compliment. And now that I'm in college, it all the more shows how dedicated I've been to Science by choosing to be in the field of health care. When I found out that I had an IQ belonging to the upper 2% of the world population, I told my mom about what a waste it would be to NOT become a doctor when I had been blessed to be mentally-gifted.
SCIENCE IS MY LIFE. Never was there a time in my life that I have had a shade of doubt in Science, no way did I dare question its certainties. This was the deadly thing in me, according to Philosophy, for it is when one wonders that one lives his life. Science can stop us to wonder, to experience a state of awe, by making us think that we know all there is to know, by making us rely to much on Universal Truths. I myself very much opposed Philo at first, as it seemed to contradict Science; but nevertheless, I was intrigued by it. Just goes to show how one can stink really bad in something & still learn to love doing it. Yes, at first it did seem like philosophizing was a way of wrecking one's brain but, as stated in our earlier lessons, it's not that bad (and can even be actually fun) when you start to lose yourself in the game, in the music. By following this advice, I got to save my grade... from an 80.83 during the prelims, I managed to get a 90 in my midterms (still don't know what I got in my finals tho). Thanks to Philo, I got to see how little I know of my very own self. I always believed that I was a certain type of person; but now, it seem right to ask myself of how true that really is...for IT IS POSSIBLE FOR A PERSON TO BE WHO IT CHOOSES TO BE. Anytime. Anywhere. At any given situation. Philo has opened my eyes to see how little I know of about the world that surrounds me. It has made me realize that THERE IS MORE TO THE WORLD, TO LIFE, THAN SCIENCE CAN SHOW US. Philo has helped me appreciate life & its intricacies, its complexities. LIFE ISN'T EASY BUT IT IS BEAUTIFUL. Philo has certainly helped me see the world in a new light. This was the beauty of Philosophy for me. I really enjoyed thinking outside the box, and really feel your mind at work. From Philo, I sorta got to see the ill effects of Science on mankind... but still, despite all those negative qualities of Science, I still choose to live my life for it, I still do believe in its powers... I guess this could be equated with LOVE... Choosing to continuously attach yourself to something or someone, to dedicate yourself to it despite all the negatives.
TO DRAW SCIENCE OUT OF ME IS TO DISRUPT MY VERY OWN SELF. Science has become an important part of me that it has caused meanings to stick to me forever, meanings that would define my being...but (as learned in Philo), not completely. My Scientific Attitude is but a glimpse of my being, a bite of it. But I wish to say that somehow, I cannot deny the fact that at some point in time, Philosophy has helped me realize some new things about my self, about others around me, about the world in which we exist.
Now, there's another thing that scares me... the Bible (namely, the Book of Revelations). Many times I have been told that the end times are fast approaching & may even happen in my generation. It is now I see how much Science contributes to that idea through the rapid progression of technology. It is said that there will come a time when we would greatly depend on this chip of some sort (it has already been invented by Science, for those who don't know) for our survival in this world. This chip is said to be the sign of the devil (as stated in the Bible). Each and everyone would be asked to avail of this chip in order to live.... to do otherwise would mean death. SCIENCE vs. RELIGION.

First Nursing Experience

The very last of my final exams were held Wednesday afternoon and after that, I had to finish having my clearance signed so that I can fully enjoy my sem break, without having the hassles of going back to school just to have some faculty/staff sign it. For my very first sem break in college, I got to practice being a nurse in Asian Hospital. How lucky of me! haha. This was because my mom was confined Thursday for an operation she had to undergo on Friday. I was the one who stayed with her the whole time, acting as her private nurse for 48 hours straight. This may not be as easy as you think, guys... although I know it's nothing compared to the real deal which nurses go through. During those 48 hours, I probably had no more than 6 hours of sleep... and with those hours of sleep that I got, never was I in a full, deep state of rest/relaxation. This was because I had to be on constant alert for my mom. I needed to be extra sensitive to every little movement so that I could assist her in whatever she needs, even if it was at 2 or 3 in the morning. I now laugh at that thought as my mom mentioned to me how alert I was. She said that she was already moving really slowly (so that I wouldn't wake up) but still I would immediately sit upright and ask her what was it that she needed.

The thing I enjoyed most was observing the nurses (and doctors, too). I eagerly examined everything that they did.... injection, blood extractions, IV insertions, etc. Too bad I couldn't go in the OR to witness the operation itself. I actually even wanted to go around the whole hospital and observe things but something was stopping me. I was afraid that a nurse/doctor or any other hospital staff might call my attention. A few days back, I even asked Bea if she wanted to come with me so we could go see the hospitals in that area (we both love hospitals, which is why you would sometimes see us walking along the halls of LPDH during breaks) but unfortunately, she had to go to Laguna. Haaay...

Overall, I did enjoy staying in the hospital.... and the nurses assigned to us were kind. There was even this one nurse who sorta taught me how to take the BP using the sphygmomanometer. And, even tho I barely had enough rest, I am not complaining at all... I'm actually rather thankful. I see this experience as an opportunity to prepare myself for real hospital duties in the future....

Whatta LOOONG day...

At the start of this day (and since yesterday), I had been "problemizing" on whether I'd attend the choir and sing for the 7pm mass or stay in school for the College Cup. Sure, the mass IS important but so are my college grades. We were told by our profs that attendance would be recorded and that those who attended the College Cup would get plus points. We weren't exactly told how many points but I was expecting 5 points... but even if they gave us 2 points, i would be extremely happy about that for it is in college that you get to appreciate the value of one point. In college, every point counts. It's like one point is equivalent to 1% of your grade. And, since quizzes are not as often given (compared to G.S. and H.S.), this makes a great big difference in the outcome of the final grade (prelim/midterm/final grade). It's even better if they actually add those points to the final grade itself. This is because a mere one point could actually affect the outcome of your GPA and save you... because in my course, aside from having to get a passing of 81, you also have to get a GPA of 83 (but, as for me, it's a passing of 87 and a GPA of 89 since I am aiming for DL position, and I also kinda have this contract with the school). On the other hand, I was also needed in the choir because I was told that a lot of the other members couldn't make it... haaaay... WHAT TO DO?!

I decided to just attend the College Cup at 1730H and leave for the mass at 1845H. Yes, I headed straight to church from school, which is why I even had my bag. Kinda felt bad on leaving though cos I was really looking forward to the games, and this only happened once a year as Bea and I were told.

Our last subject for the day was NSTP, which was supposed to end at 1600H but thankfully (somehow) we were dismissed much earlier at 1430H. At first, Bea, Carisse, and I stayed at Smokey's... then later on, Carisse had to go practice for the College Cup (she was the commentator), so it was just Bea and I. We killed time over at the library, surfing the net for free! *winkwink* We spent about an hour in the library and after that, we still had about an hour left. We made our way to Las Piñas Doctors Hospital. You should have seen myself there, I was probably struck by a moment of awe... anticipating duty days... haha! It was sooo fun exploring the hospital (well, the second floor, at least) and even more fun cos Bea and I had sooo much laughs....we even started talking philosophically, and people were watching us.. haha! This day was soo fun not only cos I got to step in a hospital (not my first time though, but it's just that probably the only hospitals I've ever been to so far are Asian, Pque. Med., and Mkti Med)... but also because Bea and I had a lot of hilarious moments.. haha!

MIDTERMS are over!

WHEW! I can't believe I actually survived the midterms!

All tests were so hard, especially since I didn't study at all! Well, okay, I did some practices for Algebra (since I wanted to maintain my record in math) but i seriously under-estimated the teacher, the exam turned out to be so hard! waaah! Sir told me the test would be easy for me.. :(

I concentrated all my study periods for philosophy since I really needed to get a HIGH grade in this subject, this is the reason why I wasn't able to study well for the other subjects. I studied a bit for art app., I actually just scanned the handouts given to us (6 handouts, copy-pasted, plagiarized, 35 pages of useless information! MAN! whatta teacher! she didn't discuss to us one single thing! AAARGH.) . I didn't feel the need to study for her subject cos during the prelims, we were given make-up exams (cos the whole class failed thanks to her!) and as for review, miss gave us a 3-page handout and told us to just memorize it... Guess what?! none of those in the handout was in the make-up exam!

Wednesday was my worst sched of exams because 4 of my 7 exams were held on this day. Algebra, Art, English, and Gen. Psych.

Thursday was the best day, only one exam. Philosophy.

On Friday, I had two exams scheduled, Chemistry and Filipino, but there was a 4.5 hour break in between... but, make that 3.5 hours now because the proctor came late, so we didnt get to start the exam on time.

After my very last exam, I headed to my bro's house... he had an interview scheduled today. The interview was actually already finished by the time I got there, it's a good thing the crew hadn't left yet,... I think they were wrapping up the scene, shooting while strolling down the park. I was expecting it was Karen Davilla who was going to do the interview (as my mom had told me) so I was in awe when I saw Miss Bernadette Sembrano alongside my brother! She was so kind, she shook my hand as my brother inroduced me to her. She was really so kind, friendly, down-to-earth, and really REALLY pretty...Ü She stayed long after the interview was over, and she was just talking to us, even advised me on my staying with Nursing, she had told me I don't even need to be a graduate to be a broadcaster (one of the many things which I also wanted to be, remember?!Ü), so there's no need to really take up MassComm. And, before she left, she shook my hand again and wished me luck in my future. I AM SO GLAD it was her who did the interview. I really admire her a lot because she seems so simple and down-to earth, and I was right, she is. =)

IQ Results are finally in! Ü

It has been three weeks since we took the IQ Test, during one of our Psychology classes and I have been so anxious to know the results. Ask Sir Durana how Bea, Carisse, and I have been consistently trying to ask him for our IQ results (probably ask Bea and Carisse too how much I've been asking them to come with me to ask sir for it.. haha!). And now, it was finally revealed to the class. I was one of the people who sir called out last (to give the slip of paper containing our IQ score). As majority were comparing their scores, I was eagerly waiting (and waiting and waiting) for my name to be called till I couldn't stand it any longer, I aprroached the teacher's table and waited there instead of waiting in my seat. Finally, he called out my name and mentioned about me obtaining the highest IQ! I immediately unfolded the paper to reveal my IQ score... and I was ecstatic to find that I got a 130, and that means SUPERIOR! Only one point more and I would have been considered a gifted child. Oh well, it's possible, after all... the range of my score would be adding (or subtracting) 4 from the score I got now... that's a 126-134. I'M SO HAPPY!Ü Ü Ü

**28 August 2006. CORRECTION:

There has been a correction. I just talked to our psychology prof earlier regarding the result of my IQ exam. This is because, it is stated in the handouts given to us, 120-129 is SUPERIOR and 130-139 is VERY SUPERIOR (in laymen's terms, GIFTED). He had admitted that there sure was a mistake and that I belonged to the latter group. This means that my IQ level is VERY SUPERIOR and that I am GIFTED. I was even told that I was included in that rare case. weeeeeee! I am SO HAPPY! =)

Long Weekend Ü

Okay, I wasn't able to go to class last Friday due to fever.. probably the first time I was absent for an entire day (for this sem ha) but I still had to spend the day in front of the computer, wrecking my brain in doing that Filipino project, I had to actually make a story (not so good there).. then, I'll eventually have to start the Fil requirement for the finals (due on september na pala! thanks friends for reminding me of the time!Ü), I have to make a thesis! yes, all the processes, all over again..this time in Fil (but it's a good thing sir allowed me to just translate my 4th year thesis! whew!).. but what's even scarier is I'm gonna have to relive the experience of having that defense ALL OVER AGAIN! NOOOOO!

SATURDAY, 19 Aug. Some friends (Fil groupmates for the play) came over. Ian, Diana, Ives, Mika, Jessa, and Carz were all at my place for some practice (well, okay, script-writing lang muna). Majority ng gumawa sina Jessa at Ives ata eh..hehe..SORRY! But it was really so fun, too bad Ian left early though.. after a little while, Mika left us as well, hmmph! JOKE! By that time, we watched The BUTTERFLY EFFECT (for the movie outline in Philo due Wednesday). But I really loved the movie, we all did! and we wanna watch part 2 (actually trying to schedule na nga eh Ü). Everyone left before 5, so I was still able to attend the 6pm mass but didn't sing cos I really had no voice cos of my cough (it's a good thing nga that we didn't have practice today).

SUNDAY. normal day. Didn't attend 4pm mass tho cos I wasn't feeling well but I forced myself to attend the practice for Kuya Tutut and Ate Anna's wedding...Ü actually had to force my dad to allow me to go (well, my mom did actually) and thank goodness I got my voice back in a while.

MONDAY. Holiday. Feeling much better. My voice is back to normal but I still got the cough. Ian, Diana, Ives, Mika, Jessa, and Carz came again today... and Lei! YAY! Our group's complete! and, my parents were out so we had the house to ourselves. A few minutes when my parents left (and when Ian came), we left and headed for Ian's house (it was a good thing Lei brought a van)..and what can I say, ang cute ng aso niya (haha!)..then we headed to ATC to buy some supplies needed for tomorrow's play... then, we saw it.. BUTTERFLY EFFECT 2! we longed to watch but couldn't due to reasons. So, instead, we're trying to schedule when we'd see it as a group, grabe na bonding namin noh?!Ü

Sorry :(

Struggling for words
I mourn for my little world
It's emptiness has left me numb and cold
For between you & I, immeasurable distance has grown.

Gone are the days when you sweetly smiled;
For gone were the days when I simply loved.
Those were days not so long ago,
The days I should have held on to.
Now, ... these are the days that we want to forego,
Days I wish I could just undo
For I'm really sorry for the way things are.
I don't know what happened and I blame my heart
For there was a time loving you came naturally,
And suddenly a time I didn't want us to be.
Love, they say, is a complex feeling
But I didn't expect this complicated thing.
What has happened that made me let go...
And why am I now still holding on?

Wishing back what we had,
Can't we start from where we left?
I haven't lost love on my part,
You've never lost that place in my heart
I'm really sorry
But it's just that...
I need my *baby* back.

NOTE: The word "baby" isn't supposed to be the original part of the poem. I just changed it for "confidentiality" purposes. =)

College Life

I can't actually say it's got less pressure because the courses are much more demanding. Passing grade is 81, instead of the usual 77. And the College of Nursing (where I'm in) really has high standards. Many professors have already mentioned about how the juniors were screened down. From originally 7 classes, only 4 are left now. But my goal, to be a dean's lister (inspired??! hehe. Good luck to me!).
But I can say that college life is much much more fun than high school (or any of those other lower levels), at least for my side. That's because you're free to do whatever you want to do. Nobody tells you what to do and what not to do (of course this doesn't give you the authority to put others in harm though). You're even free to leave school premises during your breaks. COOL-ness! I mean, it's not like there's anywhere to go near my school, but the comfort in knowing that is really nice. I easily can (and do) go home for lunch, or if I ever have long breaks. And another cool thing? You can actually bring your cellphone (but you can't use it during class hours of course, unless you ask the professor's permission). Everything's so great! Only annoying part is there are a lot of gays in my course, ugh. Hate em.
Weird thing though is that I still haven't seen one of my good friends in that school, she's only in junior high school though. It's just so hard for our schedules to meet. Awwww.
Till here...

attitude-adjusting posers

Well, okay. I don't intend to be mean in any way but let me just point out how irritated I am to these kinds of people. It's now I notice I'm highly allergic to people without any personality of their own. I know quite a few people like this but there'e this one who just pushes it to the next level.

This person was a friend of mine till I noticed that she just kept repeating every damn word I say, especially those I say to one particular guy friend of mine.. and then I thought of the possibilities of her liking him... how unlucky that is of him. Naturally, this guy and I share common ground already since we're friends, right? That includes personal jokes... those types wherein only both of you would get the meaning since there's a story behind it..

There were lots of instances wherein she would laugh along with us when we laugh at the "past"... like for instance, if i say "sunod", would you guys understand the laughter between the lines? i presume not. But this girl I'm talking about, she actually laughed along with us and even repeated what I had just said and laughed again. Just goes to prove she wasn't laughing AT us (which might have been better), but rather was laughing WITH us... a fake laughter.

There was even one time I was talking with my best friend, scheduling our summer movie sked, and she joined in our conversation. For the sake of etiquette, we asked if she wanted to come along too.. and she did. WHEW! BOY! she followed us EVERY SINGLE STEP of the way! It's a good thing we didn't go there together so we got to have pics of our own lang, WITHOUT her. She always includes herself in photos she shouldn't even be a part of (I've got lots of good photos that have gone to waste cos of this).

Another was, I was getting the number of another guy friend... and without even asking, she took out her phone to get the number as well... WTF??? Where did THAT come from??!

How I HATE those types of people. People who try hard to be everything they're not. People who try to make themselves fit in when they don't!

Happiness

Ok, so here's the thing... All this time, I've been blogging about my disappointment regarding my college course and I've finally shifted to another course. BS Nursing. I've actually been choosing between that or Psych, I was totally clueless since there were pros and cons in both. Everyone else i asked just told me to take whichever I wanted more based on my interest (guess that would have been Psych) but when I thought about it, at least Nursing would have been already closer to the med industry (Psych to me was kinda in between med and business, but at least you get to interpret people's personalities).. and besides, at least Nursing's already in the hospital environment, it would help me get used to the environment kahit papaano... tapos at least, double degree pa ko, I can be both a doctor and a nurse... hehehe... It would be the opposite of what doctors today are doing (taking a Nursing course just to get out of the
country); but I've got no plans of working abroad right now, I'd rather stay in this country (same as my cuz).... and another thing, as a friend had said when I asked his advice, at least Nursing has a lot of good opportunities na (in case I suddenly change my mind, which would be least likely to happen ata, I don't think I can stay a nurse forever... I can't imagine myself, tho my cuz can)...

Yesterday morn, mga 11am, I headed to SISC for the scheduled interview; after which, they told me to call again the next day for the results... but to my surprise, later that day (at around 4pm), the phone rang... my mom was the one who had answered it since I was busy feeding my new baby bunny wabbit.. Ü A few minutes later, she came into my room and told me that Southville had called and had told her that I was highly recommended for Nursing... *shrugs*... whatever that means...

During the interview, I was actually surprised to find myself confident and at ease, talking to the dean freely, sharing everything (even my being so clueless on what course to take)... I was being so honest and wasn't even trying to sell myself... the only lie i had said was when I was asked if I could see myself as a nurse, if that was ok for me in case something happened that I wasn't able to take up medicine (for which i said, "yeah.")... I should have been that way during my interview in Mass Communications, I should have been that confident, but why wasn't I???? Could it have been because I was more eager to get in Nursing since it was my stepping stone for getting into Med??? Whatever it is, I find myself happy now and at peace since at least, somehow, I'm one step closer to being a doctor.... good luck na lang sa tagal nun... haaaay....Ü

If You Could See Me Now (Cecelia Ahern)

I'm an absolute fan of Cecelia Ahern's works ever since I read her first novel, PS I Love You; so when I got to see this latest novel of hers in Powerbooks, I wanted so much to get a copy of it but alas, it was too expensive. Months passed and I thought of finally checking the bookstores for it but in all stores I've checked with, they still hadn't received a copy of this novel. I was so disappointed and thought I should never have let it go in the first place. I considered myself lucky when we went to Ortigas and I found a copy of it there that I pushed myself to buy it even if it would hurt my wallet, big time! Talk about spending 700 bucks for a piece of book containing 307 pages.

Guys, do me a favor and never erase this quote from your mind: "Don't judge a book by its cover."
I mean it! This book's cover looked so good, so catchy... even the summary written could catch your attention. But, as I began reading through the pages, I started getting disappointed in the author's style. As the story progressed, the plot did get better but it was so simple, nothing extraordinary, there was no ooomph. Even more, it wasn't as romantic as it seemed to be. Actually, to think about it, it wasn't romantic at all, it was basically about friendship. Sure, there was some romance in it but not really something to make you swoon. That may be because it's about imaginary friends! HOW CHILD-ISH! How lame can that be?! That was the biggest downpull of this novel.

I don't intend to destroy the reputation of the author cos i still do admire her, i still do agree that she's good in writing romance novels. She doesn't write them in the traditional boy-meets-girl approach, those stuff are just so predictable these days. For the romantics out there, I highly recommend PS I Love You. Her second novel, Rosie Dunne, is also good and it revolves around two friends who always seem to be brought together by fate. But if you're the type who HATES being mushy, and too much romance, then If You Could See Me Now would probably be a safe bet for you.

Course Dilemma

Well, here it is again... new post, same topic. I don't know but I just feel so stuck right now. I was busy the whole day so right now I'm actually fighting to do this post to relieve how I feel somehow. Think of me having late-night sleeps (which is pretty much okay lang if I could wake up a little late, say about 8?) and last night, despite my longing to fall asleep, I felt very much awake. So after struggling with myself, I finally got myself to doze off at 0230H! Much earlier in the night, at 2200H, I set my alarm to go off at 0700H so that I could prepare before my cousin came by (she asked me to come along with her as they did their project in my bro's house); but in the end, I was awake by 0545H... MAN! It felt as though I were having a hang-over, and my head was pounding mercilessly....my eyelids were heavy and refused to open themselves but my body actually wanted to get up out of bed! THIS IS WAR!!! No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get back to sleep, so I dragged myself outta bed and tried to find something to do...

My cousin had asked me to join her (and some classmates) to my bro's house. They were gonna do some shooting there... MTV Style... I was thinking: COOL, at least I get to see somewhat of the things I'll be doing in Mass Comm. As I watched them do their thing, I couldn't help but get FREAKED OUT!!! THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT ME! I can't imagine my life going by doing this thing (as I had thought earlier on)... It actually brings me to tears (LITERALLY!) cos it's now I know clearly that I wanna be in med. school.
I WANNA BE A DOCTOR.

I've had many visions of this before but lately, I didn't want to believe in those visions anymore because of the many things I want to be... so I've started asking friends, and my family what they really imagine me to be... do they see me working in an office? do they see me as a chef? do they see me as a journalist? etc... I know I've got the potential to be anything I want... and many even do agree with me... MANY, if not all, agree that they really envision me as a doctor. I remember talking with my adviser (who also took up med.) long time ago, telling her of my plans of not pursuing med. any longer... I can't really explain how depressed she was at me then... talagang nagtampo siya sa akin... and now, I told her of my new plans to take up med. after mass comm. She was so happy, she kept pushing me to do it... She said it would be the happiest thing. It would be her dream to see me diagnose her someday... aaaaawww...

I am well-aware of the many hardships being a doctor undergoes...yet I think I'd like to give it a shot. I've read Nothing Lasts Forever (by Sidney Sheldon)... somehow, traumatic... I actually found myself making the book a reflection... I'd always stop to ask myself questions and imagine... but now I feel the strong urge na talaga... stronger than ever... I find myself deeply interested in the different sides of the hospital... I think I'd even prefer that compared to having a clinic of my own... but then again, who knows what the future holds? I've created a HUGE MISTAKE!!! CATASTROPHE!!! But I know, God's going to lead me to exactly where He wants me to be... There's no one I can depend on right now but on Him.

just another useless lingo

Just as i was having my breakfast this morning, this fact on the tv news caught my attention: Mga Estudyanteng Pilipino, hirap mag-Filipino. Okay,... and they treat it like it something soooo bad, soooo aweful. It's not that terrible, really. I talked the situation over with my mom and she just agrees with what I'm saying.

I'm thinking that's just a sign that we should go on and prioritize other things instead of the Filipino dialect. If they want to have other languages in our country, FINE! but better make that English and some other international language. After all, what's the point of studying our native language if it won't be able to help our county rise. This is because who else understands our Filipino language, aside from our native locals... We can't use our local tongues when we go speak with foreigners.

Surprises

After weeks of late-night sleeps and dinner-less evenings, it's finally over. I can't believe it! I've finally finished with my thesis last night.... and it feels sooooo good. I actually don't care about bagging the best thesis this time around, as I did last term (tho I'm hoping I do).
I remember that pre-oral defense we had last 21 November 2005. I actually wasn't nervous at all, only eager to get out of that room and go home. I thought I was lucky that I was picked to go last but noooo.... MAN WAS I WRONG!... I have watched the panelists question my other classmates and it was not pretty.... talagang sinabon nila ung lahat! And i thought I was going to die next, I was one of those few unfortunate enough to be after the "Death Row" of our section... Ü so I really thought I was gonna be placed down REALLY bad... I already began thinking of the negative things they could say to me (especially regarding my respondents) and thought of possible ways to get myself out of trouble... I couldn't think of any one way to get out for all the possible critics that came to mind... I actually began to feel nervous once I began speaking in front, especially with classmates asking me to finish immediately since we all wanted to go home (we were 1 hr and 30 mins OT na)... to cut the story short, none of what I had expected happened... it was quite the opposite...
The panelists loved my topic so much and said not one negative thing... One actually told me, "You may have been the last but you're definitely not the least... I really love your topic,..." And another day, as I was heading to lunch, I bumped into that same panelist and she stopped me (as we were on the stairs), and said something like "Hey, I love your topic... your's my favorite... I can't wait till your final defense..." Greatest joys in my life...
I'm so proud! I did this thesis all on my own... WOW!!!! Somehow I feel relieved that my thesis is finally done but somehow, I do feel pressured to still do my best on the final defense... I really want to get that "best thesis" thing-y again... like brother, like sister... bwahahahaha!

Thinking Out Loud *continuation*

CSAT
I remember taking the CSAT (College Scholastic Aptitude Test) on 11 August 2005. I felt mentally drained after that. My head hurt terribly the whole day, I tried to sleep it off as I got home, but I couldn’t even get myself to lie down. Later that evening, my mom suggested I take my BP… though I knew it was pointless (we didn’t even know what my normal BP should be)… she said, "at least we’ll know more or less" … BP result was 94/53. And I told you, she had no idea whether that was high or low (see? Pointless!) but somehow, I think that’s low, just not sure…

Days (or weeks) later, the results came in. I was so sorry that I didn’t take the test that seriously (namely in the Science and Inductive Reasoning sections). I didn’t feel like doing long computations any longer or straining my brain too much on these sections cos that was when I started to feel weak; I suddenly wasn’t feeling well. Wonder how much higher my score would have been if I had been more "perked" up to take the test... :(
Sayang! Just a few more points and my Standard Score would have been Excellent. I only needed a score of at least 669 to be considered such when I got a 641, meaning Superior (so, not that bad)… English, 736 (Excellent)… Mathematics, 715 (Excellent)… Science, 556 (High Average), sayang talaga… Inductive Reasoning, 500 (Average)… well, okay, I found the IR part to be the hardest… guess it’s cos I’m a left-brainer, not a right-brainer.. Overall, got a percentile rank of 92… not bad… somehow, it’s good since I scored high (my parents actually wanted to frame the results… tsss…), but somehow, it’s not enough, when I think that I could have done MUCH better on that Science part… the worse part… these things only come once… OUCH.


MAJOR HIT ON THE HEAD
Every New Year, our family stays at Bellevue and that’s where we have our family get-together and gift giving, since we are all busy during the Christmas season with all the reunions going on. Last New Year’s eve, my brother and I headed to the mall together since we both got bored staying in the hotel rooms and he needed to get some groceries. As we were strolling around the mall, my brother asked me what I got for his daughter (my inaanak) for Christmas. He wanted to make sure she would get something she would enjoy, like toys (and not books, she gets those all the time na raw), since kawawa naman ung bata. She had an accident earlier that day as she tripped while running around with her cousin (baby boy of my other brother). Anyways, we ended up reminiscing the times when I was a kid. He began making fun of me by stating that as a kid, it was hard to give me gifts. I was never a girly-girl, he said. I didn’t believe him. He went on saying that I never liked Barbie dolls, I never really played with them. I never really played bahay-bahayan, luto-lutuan, and all those girly games. I still refused to believe, cos I did remember doing those as a toddler. He clarified that I did play those stuff but not really that often, it was actually very rare to see me hold a doll. He said, "You know what you always were consistent at? What you always liked to play with? Your favorite game?" I looked at him, trying to see if he was trying to play with me or if he was really serious… and he was serious and so I asked him what it was… "doctor-doctor," he said. "You would always ask mommy and daddy to buy those doctor play sets. You even had this very nice play set dad bought in the States, the stethoscope even produces beating sounds.." he continued and at that moment I remembered.
They say if you want to know what you would enjoy doing in the future, what you would be successful at, look back on what you liked to do as a child… imagine yourself doing that for your whole lifetime.

Thinking Out Loud

Over the past week, many thoughts have been going on in my head… there’s the echo of our current lesson in Physics regarding the thermal efficiency of heat engines,... then, there's the nightmare on the world of sines, cosines, tangents, secants, cosecants, cotangents, ek ek… and, there’s that danger light flashing in my brain that serves as my warning and it reads: "MAGBASA-BASA KA NA SA PANITIKAN KUNG NAIS MO PA PUMASA!!!" hehe… cos fast fact lang: I have NEVER read a single chapter of any school book since I was a kid (except those for book reports and my science books), nor do I ever listen to the teachers (except in science again, and music- and probably also in stats, public speaking and methods of research)… I’m the type of person who basically just jots down notes and that’s it… so ewan ko lang pano ako pumapasa…hehe… I’ve never encountered doing any serious studying in my whole entire life! Ü

Anyway, all those thoughts in my head kept me "busy" lately… but during spare times, I couldn’t help but ponder on what was to become of my college life and life after that… it was only this week that I once again began panicking… wondering if I had made a right choice…
Listed below are the choices I had for college:

1. Medicine
2. Music
3. Culinary Arts
4. HRM
5. Mass Communications

Right now, the plan I have is to take Mass Communications then go on pursuing my real desire, Med. Not too bad, considering Mass Comm. is still on my top 5 choices. But somehow, I’m hoping I could wait that long… this route would take a minimum of 14 years!!! Golly wow! Imagine that time plus, the time I need to take up a specialization… oh well, it would all be worth it…

Music, let’s just say I was inspired to take this up when my "former" confidante (and then best friend) suggested I take this up instead of med during my junior years… he’s my music teacher and also our choir moderator… he kept giving my ego a lift saying things like "kaya mo iyan" or "galing-galing mo sa pagkanta/ sa choir/ sa music eh" or "sobrang gifted ka naman sa music eh,.. mag music ka na!" Yeah, it did intrigue me to, as he said, "explore the awesome world of music"… after all, music was another one of my passions…

Culinary Arts, one-year course that would allow you to earn as much as half a million dollars per month! But my parents still thought of it as a no-no, saying that I wouldn’t get to have a good future if I took that up and that I’d just end up being a waitress…READ: C-U-L-I-N-A-R-Y! CULINARY=CHEFS, not WAITERS… no use pointing out HRM, since they said almost the same things…
But now, as I think of it, somehow, it’s a blessing in disguise that I didn’t get to take up culinary arts…. I think now that would just have been a major insult to my abilities… the CSAT says it all, baby. Ü

Now, all that’s left is medicine, my top choice! … And I really am feeling so guilty I haven’t taken a shot at UPM, when earlier this school year I’ve been planning to take an entrance for their College of Medicine… grrr!
Medicine’s been my interest since I was probably a kid! I remember the last time I even went to the States, the first thing I actually bought with my own money was this book on nutritional healing, I used all my money then (which my uncle gave me) just to buy that book and I must say, it’s very useful till now. Aside from my interest, there was one more important reason I bought that book. When we stayed in Hawaii for some days (this was our first destination), I had suddenly gotten sick with tonsillitis… a SEVERELY painful tonsillitis. Despite all the medications I’ve been trying, my condition just seemed to grow worse until I saw that book and decided to check it out.. I looked under tonsillitis and then I saw under the list of recommendations listed… yogurt. Yes, yogurt... who would have thought?! I quickly informed my mom and we decided to opt for that instead of those other drugs I had been taking. Days later, I noticed the pain was gone! We wanted to go back and buy the book but alas, there was no time. We had to leave soon for our flight to San Francisco… imagine my delight when I saw that book in one of the stores in San Francisco, I quickly went nearer and found that I was in luck… it was their last copy (good thing my uncle gave me money on that day!)… *continued next post*

Life's Harsh Realities

Lately, I have found that life can get pretty darn cruel.
News stations here and there have been reporting about the stampede that had happened at the Ultra. This event seems to be pretty ridiculous in my opinion. Sorry for being so rude but, come on! How could these people expect to be the lucky winner out of the thousands and thousands of people who have flocked to that venue for one main reason: WOWOWEE. My utmost condolences though, to those affected by the stampede.
Another thing is that crime rates all over our country have been steadily rising... take alone BF Homes, Pque., for example. Just last Sunday, at 0630 in the evening, somewhere in the Phase1 area, a nursing student of SISC had been stabbed and shot dead. The reason people say is due to car napping, but others actually suspect a grudge.
Third reality I have encountered over the past few weeks is about a former batch mate of mine who has recently given birth to her very own baby. The fact of her giving birth at such an early age was not really the catchy part of the news. Teenage pregnancy has become a common issue in this generation, in these days; and besides, I knew this girl, she was a (forgive my English) bitch, an obvious flirt and slut. The fact that this sort of stuff actually happen to people I know, people I grew up with, THAT'S the unbelievable part. The worse part is that the father's a good-for-nothing jerk (again, forgive me for the term). He's a former schoolmate of mine. He's older than I but due to his severe stupidity and foolishness, he still remains a high school freshman up to this day. How I pity what is to become of their lives. My sincere apologies for all the negative terms I've used but there simply isn't any better way to coin this type of scenario.


These events have happened only within the past 3 weeks or so; but there isn’t any way I was shocked by them. What could one expect from such a hopeless country like the Philippines? Don’t get me wrong; I do love our country, I am proud of my being a Filipino, but come on! Don’t let nationalism blind you of our country’s current situations. People today have become so self-absorbed that they only think of their benefits, and don’t really care about what happens to the rest of society. They have become self-indulgent people, wishing only to satisfy their wants and desires, and not giving consideration to its effects, not caring if what they do would actually cause the harm of millions of other people around them. Self-aggrandizement, I think that’s what each person these days truly care about... the aggressive increase in one’s own wealth, power, etc. So, now I ask this one question, what is now to become of our beloved country, the Philippines, if its own citizens remain an impostor to the characteristic of being a true Filipino - pagiging maka-Diyos, makabayan, makatao at makarangal?

The Pressure of Valentines

Here comes one of the most dread seasons of singles out there, if it actually isn't at the top of the list... Yep, Happy Valentines... put some sarcasm into that and you probably get how I'm feeling about it.

Of the past 17 years of my existence, of all the Valentines I've had to go through, never - and I mean NEVER - was there ever a time when I felt its presence. Valentines, to me, was just an ordinary day; but to shopping malls and other business establishments (more so, with flower boutiques and chocolate factories), this was (or should I say IS) their lucky day. Entrepreneurs take advantage of this "special" day, as they certainly see it as a chance to see their business in BOOM.

It was not until last night that I felt the pressure of being solo. A friend of mine asked me to tell something about my so-called "love life", as we were going home from our usual Saturday night practice. She seemed so surprised to find out that I had nothing to say about it, since there was none. I'm a loyal member of the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) Society, and I don't get why people don't believe me when I say this for the umpteenth time! Going back, the drive home suddenly seemed like a job interview for possible "applicants", I was asked what qualifications my guy should have and so I mentioned the things I look for - maturity (as in those around 10 years OLDER than I), religiousness, humor (someone who loves a good laugh), musically-inclined, and most of all, mabait (ung tipong hindi mainitin ang ulo)... and VOILA! Now, it seemed that some matchmaking was being done! nice...this was the exact time I felt the pressure to find someone... but still, I refuse to, and decide to stick to my belief that the right person would come in time, in God's time. I fully entrust my life to Him. I know He wants me to have the best - and that I'll have in His own time.