Despite all the guys I've known (and all the pain some of them may have caused me), it's only with you that I used this word on. To make things even worse, YOU WERE A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE. and I guess somehow, you still are and still will be.
After all the things that happened over the years I've known you (which is about 10 years now), I guess I should have listened to everyone around me. Don't you know how much I defended you? How much I backed you .. how much I scowled at anyone who dared to bring you down, just because I care about you THAT MUCH. And how did you repay me? WITH NOTHING BUT HURT. THANK YOU, thankyouverymuch.
I'm through being your little ass bitch, puppy-trailing praises at you. I should have backed off years ago and let go of any possibility of us. No, wait. I ACTUALLY DID THAT. But I guess you noticed that you made an error of your own and went back to your usual ways, YOUR SWEET USUAL WAYS THAT MADE ME FALL FOR YOU BACK THEN.
ANSWER ME NOW, WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN? We were so close, we hanged out together, we talked about anything under the sun, we held hands, i remember you even giving me a soft peck on the cheek once which was enough to melt my heart and make me giddy. What happened to all those tight hugs you gave me which caused me breathing difficulties and the inability to move because of your arms wrapped around me?
How could you have gone from that sweet guy back then to the total jerk you are now? You were once the perfect gentleman, WHY THE HECK CAN'T YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?!
Whenever you needed me, I never failed to be there for you, and I was sincere through all there was. I ALLOTTED MYSELF TO YOU. I WAS WILLING TO DROP ANYTHING FOR YOU should you call, needing me to be there. THAT was how important you are to me. But you never seemed to care now, did you? All I've become to you now is someone you'd come to as a last resort. I don't ask for much, just a simple decent friendship, or at least the truth. STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE IDIOTIC TRASH!
And, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? Everytime I turn cold to you, you come running after me, smothering me and all... and the instant I start to reciprocate the friendship thing again, you're the one who backs away and turns viciously cold. it's just our natural cycle these days. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHAT THE HECK IS ALL THIS CHASING FOR?!
I usually have no problems understanding guys (maybe cos I grew up with them). And, out of ALL the men in my life, you were the only one who puzzled me this much, you were the only one I just couldn't seem to decode. Therefore..
ALL this fickleminded-ness of yours plus your inability to keep true to your actions and your "ka-plastik-an" just leads me to one conclusion: THE POSSIBILITY OF YOU BEING GAY. Again, sorry, but I'm just saying. A lot of people have been thinking of you as such, actually, just so you know. I even thought so before, upon the first time I met you, THE TIME WHEN YOU INTRODUCED YOURSELF TO ME. But upon getting close to you, my views on that changed. And no matter how much people thought you were, I strongly opposed them because of what I knew of you. NOW, ALL THAT CHANGES...
I SO BELIEVE THERE'S A POSSIBILITY OF YOU BEING GAY.
i mean, C'MON! You NEVER had a girlfriend since birth, never mentioned any special feelings toward any particular woman and MAJORITY of your friends are girls.
Anyway, to make my point clear, and to point out that I am not the only one who observes this thing, I recently told my bestest friend about you. Yes. I only admitted everything to her now after all these years because I was afraid she'd squeal. I admitted all my LOVE and HATRED for you. She did seem to notice the change in our relationship.
AND NOW, for my New Year's Resolution? DISTANCE MYSELF FROM YOU.
PLEASE. COOPERATE THIS TIME. AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
You are so special to me and thus, you don't know how much you just hurt me. You don't know how many tears have fallen for you. You seem to be my weakness, my poison. yes, that is what you are... A SWEET, TOXIC POISON THAT LURES INTO ADDICTION. that is exactly what you are.
IT'S YOUR LOSS, SUCKER. I KNOW I MUST BE THE ONLY ONE STUPID ENOUGH TO LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. But sorry, I've made up my mind from times back NOT TO GIVE IN TO ANYTHING WITH YOU. WE SHALL JUST REMAIN FRIENDS.
And thanks to the events that happened this week that support my argument, all your actions from the start of the year to last night... it all just proves what a pathetic jerk you are. Thanks for showing me how you don't truly care about me at all... it's all just your front to keep this nice-guy-theme in your life. thanks for confirming that fact all by yourself. BRAVO.
Anyway, to make my point clear, and to point out that I am not the only one who observes this thing, I recently told my bestest friend about you. Yes. I only admitted everything to her now after all these years because I was afraid she'd squeal. I admitted all my LOVE and HATRED for you. She did seem to notice the change in our relationship.
AND NOW, for my New Year's Resolution? DISTANCE MYSELF FROM YOU.
PLEASE. COOPERATE THIS TIME. AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
You are so special to me and thus, you don't know how much you just hurt me. You don't know how many tears have fallen for you. You seem to be my weakness, my poison. yes, that is what you are... A SWEET, TOXIC POISON THAT LURES INTO ADDICTION. that is exactly what you are.
IT'S YOUR LOSS, SUCKER. I KNOW I MUST BE THE ONLY ONE STUPID ENOUGH TO LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. But sorry, I've made up my mind from times back NOT TO GIVE IN TO ANYTHING WITH YOU. WE SHALL JUST REMAIN FRIENDS.
And thanks to the events that happened this week that support my argument, all your actions from the start of the year to last night... it all just proves what a pathetic jerk you are. Thanks for showing me how you don't truly care about me at all... it's all just your front to keep this nice-guy-theme in your life. thanks for confirming that fact all by yourself. BRAVO.
I SHALL BE LIVING THE LIFE YOU WANT, I'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT.
I WILL BE YOUR ENVY.
I WILL HAVE SUCCESS IN MY LIFE,
LIVING MY DREAMS,
TRAVELLING THE WORLD,
LIVING A COMFORTABLE LIFE ..no, scrap that...
LIVING A LUXURIOUS LIFE.
AND WHEN THAT TIME COMES,
I WILL OWE IT TO MYSELF. NOT TO YOU.
I WILL HAVE SUCCESS IN MY LIFE,
LIVING MY DREAMS,
TRAVELLING THE WORLD,
LIVING A COMFORTABLE LIFE ..no, scrap that...
LIVING A LUXURIOUS LIFE.
AND WHEN THAT TIME COMES,
I WILL OWE IT TO MYSELF. NOT TO YOU.
To make things clear, I'm backing myself from you but I'll still be a friend. I'll be there when you need me but THAT'S ALL. You WON'T fill my thoughts. You WON'T be cared for unnecessarily. You WON'T expect to hear from me at all. So long to all my cares and worries for you. I shall now be distant and aloof. Fine when you're there, but distant when not.
YOU SHALL BE SHUNT OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW.
Not when i move back to the US, not when I finish my studies. NOW.
Not when i move back to the US, not when I finish my studies. NOW.
