Stick with You

Yes, I bet ya'll know that song of PCD and just the other day, I heard it play (after some long time). It did make me sad, made me remember a friend of mine and memories we used to share.

The history behind the song?

Well, one time, as I hitched a ride with that friend of mine, he turned on the radio and that song played. He sang that last particular line, those words.... "I must stick with you". He sang it in his usual sweet, charming, dashing, voice.

So, he sang a silly line from the song playing on the radio. What's the point you say?

Well, that was a time when things, I guess, were starting to fall apart between us. I didn't feel the same. See, this guy that I'm talking about was (and still IS) someone special and so dear to me, I do like him...only I don't know if he feels the same way. But there was once a time that, despite me knowing that I had a crush on him, I didn't feel like wanting to be with him, like wanting to even see him at all. I couldn't explain why, I couldn't even understand the feeling. I should be excited for those chances I had to be with him, but why did I feel dread and anxiety then?

Times would come when we had to get together and I bet he noticed me trying to stay distant and aloof, as he tried being extra nice to me. So, to cut things short, and skip all the drama, this was that time during that period I felt myself lost. And it was as though he was saying to me "I must stick with you"... meaning that, despite all things we were going through.

It all escalated up to the very point which, I think, signalled our "death". It must have hurt him somehow. To think our friendship was growing, I used to tell him everything going on in my life.... but that has stopped. I didn't even bother to tell him what course I decided to take; and then one day, he sees me and was shocked to know. He did seem kinda irritated (tho, as always, he doesn't really show it). I felt kinda bad after. If only he knew, I didn't want to tell him for two reasons...

1. First was, okay, I didn't want to tell him cos I thought it wasn't my duty to tell him. Why should he know? We weren't in a relationship or anything.
2. I was actually planning on surprising him with the news.

And now, here I am, about a year or more later... feeling sorry and deep regret. We're both oblivious to each other now, or so it seems. How could I have risked behaving so and losing whatever it was I had with him. If I had known only better.

Looking back on memories, it does make me wonder.... was it ever us? could it have been us when I didn't even know? He did show some signs but he wasn't exactly direct. He was sweet, made me feel special and everything... but he didn't exactly give solid facts. I know ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. But still, actions can also be misinterpreted. I don't like relying on actions alone as one may end up hoping far too off, expecting oh so much and then just end up depressed. So, now, whether there was something between us or not, I'm innocent and unaware of it. All I know is that I miss those times, that friendship we used to share.